To say it’s been a hard year would be an understatement. It’s been an awful year. And every year after it will be difficult in it’s own way. People often confuse grief with heart break. But there’s a difference, you don’t heal from grief..you learn to live with it. You learn to function as a normal human being despite the raging fire of sadness that is constantly burning in your soul. I think that’s why people think you’re healing, when really you’re just containing.
Watching Andres’ life end doesn’t make me appreciate mine and want to live it to the fullest. But seeing my son’s life just begin and how filled with wonder he is, does.
Part of living is doing what you love. I love to travel.
So, together we are going on an adventure of a lifetime even though he may not remember every detail or anything at all. It doesn’t matter. This trip isn’t about creating memories together that we can look back on, it’s about living in the moment. It’s about being happy here and now. And for me, it’s about finding joy and purpose again.
Finding joy is something I have to work really hard at these days. I find it easily in my son, but other places it becomes harder to search out. One of the things I plan to do on this trip is volunteer and help others wherever I can. I’ve found in the past that focusing on something other than my own pain is a great way to move forward.
Currently my bag is packed with 20 pounds of baby clothes that I’m giving to a young Syrian refugee mother-to-be who has been resettled in Portugal. The thought of being able to help someone who has been through so much, makes me happy.
I don’t have everything planned out, but I do have a few things. We’ll begin in Spain, then head to Portugal, and after that Israel. There’s a long list of places I want to see, but a lot of it depends on safety, weather, and timing.
In just a few minutes I’ll be heading to the airport, the journey is about to begin. I hope you’ll follow along.